My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
