Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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