chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I fill condoms, not promises.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
