even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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