did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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