Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
