I hate your face
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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