Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
what day is it and did you see me today?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
