I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
not ubering you a puppy
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
