Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
