now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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