just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
