It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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