i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
