I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
