He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
