He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
