It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
