Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
