I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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