It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
