There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
