also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I need to sanitize my soul.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
