I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
