Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
