So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
