ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Buhtt sex?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
