best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
