His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
