I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
