if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
farters have to be the big spoon...
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You're like the curious george of whores
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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