No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
