I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
