So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
