i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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