Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
