I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
