I wish I could teleport
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
