Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
