DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
