so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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