Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
