You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
