Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
