I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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