I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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