Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
