i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
