i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
