i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
