in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
So gin and wine won't be happening again
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
