Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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