I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
