Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
